Thursday, May 15, 2014

How To: Be A Horrible Bridesmaid

Hey folks! I really wasn't going to post today mostly because I don't have anything new or interesting to post, but in light of recent events I feel the need to post. So I've mentioned before how my friend is getting married in July and I am a bridesmaid in her wedding. This all seemed like exciting and fun news for me until the planning actually started. I was with her for most of the decisions and her planning process and all was good and ok with me until a few months ago. I'm not sure how or when I started feeling like this, but it feels like I took a huge step backwards and look into this whole thing realizing that she has turned into an epic bridezilla. Now I feel like a horrible friend talking about this issue on my blog, but I need advice. This girl was one of my best friends before this whole wedding and it sucks to know things have gotten like this in such a short period of time.

The issue I am at is me simply explaining to her that I don't know if I want to get my hair done anymore because that's $60 gone from my pocket (on top of $100's of more that's already being spent on just her and her wedding). I hate bringing up finances, but I thought as my friend I could confide in her and have her realize that I have a lot going on and I have to just watch my spending a bit. Little did I know I woke the sleeping beast because I get this long drawn out text saying how upset she is and she thought I was getting my hair done so she gave the lady a final number, blah blah. Mind you she never once asked me if I was for sure getting my hair done because I had been iffy about it. I figured I do my hair for events anyways so I could just curl it and make it look cute on my own without having to shell out $60. Had I known this was going to wake the sleeping bear I would have kept my mouth shut and spent the money.

Now to get to where I am at right now, I have basically apologized for bringing it up (and yes other issues were also brought up, text arguing will be the death of me) and agreed to just do the hair with the girl she selected. No harm no foul, just forgive and move on with it all. Well, it's not that easy. You see all of this has caused her to basically say cancel our plans in New Orleans. You see that's a lot to throw at a girl with less than a month left to go on the trip. Flights have been booked, hotels have been confirmed, decorations have been bought, shirts have been ordered, etc. I realize where she is coming from because she isn't really getting a full on bachelorette party, a lot of her friends and cousins have bailed and it turns out it will only be the bride and 2 of her bridesmaids (one of them being me). So yes, a 3 person bachelorette party isn't ideal, but I know we will still make the best out of this situation and have fun and we have plans to make sure of that. So now I am working on repairing this whole thing for the time being and just focusing on her changing her mind about New Orleans. It is a little bit selfish, I haven't been and I've wanted to go for a long time and have been seriously looking forward to this trip. I took off adequate time at work and don't want that to go to waste, along with my flight...

I don't know what to this point I am just going to try to mend things between us and power through until the wedding, I keep telling myself only 6 more weeks. I do think this all has affected our friendship and I don't see her as my friend because she hasn't done anything a friend would do for months now. She doesn't ask me about work or relationships or just life in general like we used to talk about, which bums me out. I understand planning a wedding is stressful stuff and she has a lot on her plate, but I don't think shutting your friends that are there for you is the best thing to do. I am stuck with how I want our relationship as friends to go on after her wedding. I have a feeling she may try to go back with being my "friend", but being so absent from all of that for so long and just trying to pick up the pieces and trying to fit them back together isn't that easy.

I am seriously considering the fact to just cut my losses after the wedding and move on with my life. If she isn't there for me when I need her, why should I continue being there for her? She has made being in this wedding become work and I am not even excited for it anymore, I just honestly want things to be over just so I could move on. Am I a bad friend for thinking this? I feel like a horrible bridesmaid and wish I was relieved of my duties, but it's too late in the game. I will just suck it up and put on my big girl panties and get through the next 6 weeks, but what after??

Any and all advice is seriously welcome for this whole situation. I know I haven't shared all of the issues, but anything would be helpful at this point.

End rant.

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  1. I think in a situation like this that honesty is the best policy, tell her how you are feeling and why you are upset. It will rock the boat, and probably upset her.. but I think you would feel much better letting her know. Don't do it over text though, you should talk to her in person so that nothing can be taken the wrong way via text. Good luck! Sorry you are having to deal with that :(

  2. I think she's being a bit insensitive about the hair situation and not realizing or appreciating how much the bridesmaids have already had to fork out for the wedding, bachelorette etc. It is a stressful time for her as well which explains why she's putting a lot of pressure on you but hopefully you can talk it through and this doesn't break the relationship.

  3. I'm so sorry you've been going through this, and I definitely think you guys should go for the trip to NOLA even if it's just the 3 of you. You girls will have a blast no matter how large or small the group is, plus it may just what the doctor ordered for your friendship. Hopefully it can help her destress and re-focus on her friendships with you girls.

    While I was planning my wedding, I ate, breathed, and slept everything wedding. However, I did not let it affect my personal relationships. I tried my best to not talk about the wedding unless asked about it, and I always made sure to keep up with what was going on in my friends and family's lives as their lives were still going on regardless of me planning a wedding. I also made sure to be extra sensitive of the expenses I put on the girls and tried to pick a dress that wasn't too pricey, I left it up to them to decide if they wanted professional hair and makeup, and I had a local bachelorette party. It is what it is, and I hope your friend will wake up and not ruin friendships during a stressful time in her life. *hugs*

  4. I think if you are already planning on cutting ties with her as soon as the wedding is over, maybe you should just do so now. Why go through with the whole wedding as a bridesmaid, be in her pictures and a part of her memories that will be forever only to have the friendship sour immediately after? Cut your losses now - you will both be better for it in the end, I think.